Waking Up from a Coma - Book Excerpt 1

I was in a coma six years ago today. It's hard for me to grasp how much life has happened since May of 2011; sometimes it really does feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.  From learning to talk, walk, and eat again, to years of therapies, to getting married and having children, I have come a long way. 

Spending time mulling over tough past experiences can do a couple things to a person: leave them festering in unwanted memories like a deep wound that won’t heal, or allow the healing process to create extra scar tissue, and come out even stronger than before.

My accident made me a survivor.  Becoming a mother made me a warrior.  I make a conscious effort to be grateful for my blessings every day.  Sometimes I forget, but I try to remember always.  From having hands to grasp and eyes to see to the freedom to express my experiences.  With all the atoms and energy floating around, existence and awareness alone are miracles.  It is all so scientific, yet so spiritual.

I could not tell you with certainty why there is so much pain, hate, violence, and suffering in the world.  I do not know why, with gravity and balance and karma, life is still so unfair.  But I can tell you with confidence that love is always the answer.  Despite all the affliction in life, there is so much to be grateful for.

I started writing a book five years ago as a way to piece together what felt like a shattered life.  Sometimes my traumatic brain injury still leaves me questioning myself.  This is a short excerpt of what I've been writing, and I would be so grateful for any feedback or editing.

My story gives me faith in a God of Love.  And it takes place somewhere between life and death.

    

"Beep...........Beep...........Beep..........Beep.”   Opening my thousand pound eyelids, a tsunami of pain engulfs my body.  Every fiber of my being aches.  I am throbbing like a 12,000-pound jetliner fell on me.  Confusion begins to coil in my gut.  Fear boils my blood.  Every hair on my body stands straight up as I try to grasp where I am exactly.  What is happening?  I panic and begin gasping for air.  But something is in my throat.  I am suffocating.

            My vision blurs.  I scream at the top of my lungs, but no sound escapes my mouth. The room is fluorescent bright, and dim at the same time like smoke is aloft.  My bed sways like a boat; I am seasick on a sinking ship.  I try moving my arms, they are tied down tight. Pain rages through me like wildfire.

“Am I in hell?”

“Beep.Beep.Beep.Beep.Beep”   I look at my throbbing body and see tubes coming out left and right. Surrounded by monitors and machinery, I am afraid for my life.  A TV is on in the corner.  I can see silhouettes through a window in my room, people are laughing in a hallway.

“Is this some sick joke?  Have I been kidnapped?  Is this an experiment? Do they know I am alive?”  Thoughts swirl through my head like a tornado in a teacup.  Screaming at the top of my lungs, nothing comes out. My voice is gone.  Something is blocking my airway. Everything hurts.  People are laughing.

“BeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeep.”  The monitors start blaring and all I know is I need to get out, now.  My arms are tied down and can feel fear rising up my body like mercury.  

My life is in danger.  I need to escape.  Fight or flight.  Something large and obstructing is attached to my left arm.  I can't move my legs.  I start gagging, I start coughing and then choking.  With all my energy surging, I wrench my right arm free.  Grabbing whatever was around my neck, I rip it off.  

I am going to die.  I have to get out.  Alarms are earsplitting.

“No!  No!  No!  No!”  Next thing I know a stranger is jumping on top of me yelling “No!”     BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!  Everything goes black.