Wallace Stoll Johnson - A Birth Story

Growing and giving birth to a human being is like being transported into another dimension.  It is the most magical, mysterious, and spiritual transition I have ever known.  

I never wrote about my labor and delivery with Amalee, because while I am so grateful to have given birth to her, I was also so sad and disappointed I was induced (forced) into labor.  At 42 weeks pregnant I felt my body was trapping my child and they say the risks go up if you go past.  I still feel mixed about all the medical interventions with her birth and whether or not I should have been induced, but that would be a whole other blog post.

I woke up on Friday morning, October 9th, 11 days past my estimated due date, at around 8:30am, to what felt like menstrual cramping.  I figured I was having another round of Braxton hix.

My sweet mom friend was hosting a play date for our two year olds at her newer preschool location and I wanted Amalee to play with her friends.  I also wanted some adult time with my mom friends.

When we got to the preschool I was still feeling the cramping on and off.  I did not want to get too excited over a false labor, so I focused on listening to my body.

As we were all sitting in a circle clapping our hands to an interactive child's song, I felt the cramping getting stronger and was having to focus on my breathing to get through the pain.  At this point I realized these are probably contractions and not just cramps.

But because I never went into labor naturally with Amalee, I didn't know what to expect, exactly.

I texted my sister (who has had 3 labors) and she suggested I download a contraction counter app.

The contractions were getting stronger, still, and were around 40 seconds each, 4 minutes apart.  I decided to call my midwife, and even had a contraction while on the phone.  She said that since I could still talk through the pain and they weren't a minute long, to wait until they got stronger.  I mentioned that I had been hit by a car four years ago and was in a coma for two weeks, so my pain tolerance is relatively high.  She told me to wait.

I had been planning to meet my sister at the Portland Nursery's Apple festival so after the play date I drove to meet her.  

After taste testing what felt like 50 apples and counting around 50 contractions, many of which I had to stop and brace myself, we bought some apples, and I knew it was time to go to the hospital.

I remember strapping Amalee into her car seat and having to stop and breathe through a contraction. She so sweetly asked "you okay, mama?"

To which I responded "yes I am okay, Amalee.  My tummy is hurting.  I think our baby is coming today!"

When the contraction ended she let out a sigh of relief and said "you feel better, mama?"

I called David.  "We need to get home to get our bags and head up to OHSU.  I am in labor!"

The words echoed in my head.  I can't even describe how much I wanted to deliver my baby uninduced.  And I had an infant stress test scheduled that day to monitor baby.  I had tried every old wive's tale - 3 cups of red raspberry tea a day, primrose oil, acupuncture, chiropractor, massage, eggplant, miles of walking, squats, stairs, sex! And it was finally time to meet our baby.

I drove home and helped finish packing our hospital bag between contractions. David tried rubbing my back, but I shrugged him off and just wanted to close my eyes and focused.

We arrived at labor and delivery around 3:30 pm and as they were finding a room for me, I asked for the room with the best view, please.

As we entered the room I looked at my app and had counted around 75 contractions.  With each surge, I could feel the disc in my back bulge into my spinal cord sending pain through my entire body.  I laid down in bed, closed my eyes, and reminded myself “this too shall pass.”

The nurse midwife came in and checked my dilation.  I was so relieved to hear I was already 8cm dilated!  I asked if we could fill up the birthing tub so I could finish laboring in water.

David turned on some Alt J music and we were glowing with excitement to meet our child.  Despite the pain, I felt powerful and grateful in knowing my body was giving birth naturally. (As my birth with Amalee was a snowball of medical interventions)

I kept asking when I could get in the tub, but it takes around 45 minutes to fill and in moments of excruciating pain, a minute feels like an eternity.  

Finally I could get in, and the warm water felt like a soothing compress on my whole body.  My contractions were as strong as ever and I asked David to apply counter pressure on my low back, to push my disc back in my spine.  He did this during every contraction after, and I could see the fatigue in his hands.  I kept apologizing to David, but was so desperate for pain relief.  On top of that, during every contraction, our baby’s heart rate would drop.  

I could feel fear bubbling in my bones.  I was scared pushing would be unbearable like it was with Amalee.  The contractions hurt, pushing a baby out hurts, but the back pain is what kills me.  I wanted to feel confident in pushing without fear so I started asking about the epidural.

David is so phenomenal in listening to my wants and needs.  He said he would support me in my decisions, but that he knows I can get our baby out without medical interventions.  We had discussed many times how much I wanted a natural birth.  But the back pain felt like endless agony and I did not want to see David suffering from pushing on my back.

I decided it would be easier for David to apply counter pressure out of the tub and I wanted to rest, so I got out and laid on the bed.

My favorite midwife was now there and said I was 10 cm dilated and it was time to push.  The nurses grabbed a stress ball and placed it on my back so I could just lay on the ball and push.  My sister and mom arrived at my bedside and started to help me count through the pushing contractions.

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.”

My sister was counting with me during every contraction.  I closed my eyes and pushed with every fiber of my being.  I wanted this baby out!  The back pain was still surging, but I could see the light(or baby) at the end of the tunnel.

“You are so close!”  Said Michelle, my midwife.  I had a strong team around me, encouraging me.

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.”  

I grabbed my legs and crunched my tummy and focused all my energy on pushing.  I realized I was clenching my teeth so hard (which is a big no-no if you've read anything by Ina May) so I loosened my jaw.  Many women scream or grunt during labor, but after the accident I was in, my vocal cords are damaged from my tracheal tubes, and I am physically unable to yell.  

Reality was shifting a million miles a minute and my entire universe was focused on this energy transferring through me.

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.”

I closed my eyes and PUSHED.  I felt his head come down and holy shit.  With no epidural, it felt like my body was going to rip in two.  Every inch stiffened and I made noises I never knew I could make.  

“This too shall pass!”  David said assertively and calmly.  

And with that our baby was out and David passed him to me with tears in his eyes saying “IT'S A BOY!”  

I was shaking as if I had just sprinted a marathon.  

I held you up close to my chest, cradling you on the otherside of my heart. I couldn't believe you were here, and that you are a boy!  

"What do I do?" I exclaimed. I will give you my love every day, that's what I do. And just like that life will never be the same.

Wallace Stoll Johnson was born with ten fingers and toes and the sweetest squishiest newborn body. He weighed 8 lb 9 oz and was 21 ½ in long.

I don't know if I can ever truly convey my gratitude for David, all of my family & friends, the midwives at OHSU, my body, and God (the universe).  But a big cosmic thank you to all! (Maternity photo & dress credit to Traveling Julie Photography.)